You've Got Mail
by CrazyClumsyCoco15
Summary: Our favorite Death Note characters exchange letters while they're partially on crack. They get arrested, go to chocolate factories, throw Shini-parties, have fights over lip-gloss, sell their dolphins in exchange for candy, fall in love with a Mary-Sue, bawl their eyes out, and one particular character keeps lowering everyone's IQ to a single digit. This should be interesting...
1. Lipstick and Imprisonment

**Hey everyone, I'm back with yet another crack-fic, the first chapter contains references for Harry Potter, if you don't like it, skip this chapter, the upcoming ones won't have Harry Potter references, don't worry :D**

**Warning: this fanfiction contains an excessive amount of retardedness. If you're already as retarded as the author or if you don't mind crack-fics, then go on. Otherwise, for the sake of your mental health, please don't read. (I'm kidding, I didn't write this fic during my exams for it to be ignored, READ IT OR I'LL HAVE A FLYING UNICORN SHARK BITE YOUR HEAD OFF!**

**Again, I'm kidding, and I should really shut up now.**

**Here is my "masterpiece."**

* * *

><p>Dear Light-kun:<p>

I saw you applying lipstick the previous day, and I would like to inform you that concealing hideousness by such desperate measures is a trait typical of Kira.

Sincerely,

Fifty percent.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**I will overlook your scandalous accusation for now. But since you saw me, I have to admit that I need your opinion; does it go well with the eyeliner or do their colors clash?**

**Light.**

* * *

><p>Dear Light-kun:<p>

Sixty five percent.

You look like a pug anyway.

Sincerely,

Mentally scarred detective.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

***gasps* I'll have you know that I was ****Junior ****Mr. Japan****for two years successively, you're SO jealous that the green just bounces off your pale face.**

**Oh, and by the way, I have destroyed you entire collection of the Harry Potter franchise, in all languages.**

**Sincerely,**

**sweet, sweet revenge.**

* * *

><p>Dear Light:<p>

YOU FILTHY MUGGLE!

Sincerely,

Eighty Nine Percent.

* * *

><p>Dear Light:<p>

I will not forgive you.

Sincerely,

AVADA KEDAVRA!

* * *

><p>Dear LightKira/Death Eater:

Crucio.

L.

* * *

><p><em>Dear L:<em>

_Calm down my child, have a comfort cookie._

_Watari._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**I'm not done yet, for I, Kira, have just replaced your strawberry scented shampoo with actual syrup. Enjoy having an even more awful mess of hair.**

**As I told you before, sweet, sweet, revenge.**

**Sincerely,**

**oh crap...**

* * *

><p>Dear Light-kunKira:

YOU JUST CONFESSED! NYAAAA, I KNEW IT!

On another note, my hair does not appreciate being mocked. Unlike you, it has feelings.

And personality, too.

Sincerely,

You're under arrest.

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

You win. It's time for celebratory food. Yay! :3

Sincerely,

L.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Light:<strong>

**You'll get out of solitary confinement in no time. Don't worry, you still got the charm.**

**Sincerely,**

**Awesome, charming you.**

* * *

><p><span>Dear Light:<span>

Don't worry, Darling, I'll ask them to put us in the same cell. Love ya! :*

Misa-Misa!

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**Kill me now.**

**Light.**

* * *

><p>Dear Prisoner Light:<p>

Did you just ask to be murdered?

I could arrange that.

L.

* * *

><p><strong>Done with the first chapter :D Alright, tell me what you think of it. Is it funny enough? Anyway, I have a few more chapters planned, I'll write them while I think of new ones. Reviews will make me a happy, inspired author!<strong>


	2. Matt The Mess-Up

**Hello again my awesome readers! (If anyone is even reading my fic, that is.)  
>I hope you enjoy this new chappie :D<strong>

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

You remember that time, when we first met, when I thought you were a girl? *snorts*

Uuuh, I'm SO sorry for...bringing it up.

Please don't kill me; I still haven't finished Mario's Ultimate Adventure.

Matt.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Matt:<strong>

**I'm going to pretend I didn't read that.**

**Consider that a warning, ginger head.**

**Mello**

* * *

><p>Dear Near (hey, that rhymed!) :<p>

Just tried your recommendation for making the best use of spare batteries.

They do NOT taste good.

Matt.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Matt:<em>

_You are quite the literal person. I was only making a joke._

_Near_

* * *

><p>Dear BB:<p>

Please don't leave your supposedly "toy" saw lying around the house.

Just sliced my arms, BOTH my legs, and I think I'll need a new kidney.

Matt.

* * *

><p>Dear Matt:<p>

Does it still have your blood on it?

Guess I won't need to prepare dinner tonight.

BB.

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

Hey, buddy, you're my best friend and I would do anything for you….uh…. I think I just ate your chocolate.

Looking back, it's your fault; you shouldn't leave it lying around next time.

Matt.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Matt:<strong>

**You're so dead. In fact, you're as dead as Misa's brain.**

**Say goodbye to your precious X-Box.**

**Mello.**

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

X-Boxes normally don't taste good, ask me.

Oh, how I love being cheeky!

Matt.

P.S: No, seriously, I tried to eat it once because I was too lazy to go to the fridge and it looked so shiny and tempting like it was covered with icing or something.

Too crunchy for my own taste, though.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Matt:<strong>

**You're sick.**

**Your mortified ex-best friend.**

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

Well, too bad because I had some chocolate for you. It's your loss!

Matt.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Matt:<strong>

**We can never ever be separated. How could you doubt our friendship for even a split second. Nothing breaks this bond, Nothing I tell you :')**

**Can I please have the chocolate now?**

**Mello**

* * *

><p>Dear pet Mello:<p>

Good boy *pat pat*

Your owner.

* * *

><p><strong>Whew, here goes another chapter! Thanks for reading :)<strong>

**By the way, I give free virtual hugs to reviewers! (I'm a wonderful hugger, just wanted to let you know...well, in a non-creepy way, of course.) In other words, please review!**


	3. The Trip to the Chocolate Factory

**Hello my dear readers! I'm so sorry for updating so late but I had to change a few things in my older fics because some parts of them were simply awful. The good news is I have a few chapters planned!**

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

Still up for the trip to Willy Wonka's?

Mello.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Mello:<strong>

**Are you even asking me that question? I am seriously considering disinheriting you….or…. dis-successing you.**

**Kyaaah, can't wait :3  
><strong>

**L**

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

Is dis-successing even a word?

Mello.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Mello:<strong>

**I just made it a word.**

**Deal with it.**

**Coz I'm L.**

**Yeah, beat that, loser.**

**L.**

**PS: excuse me, I'm having a moment. I'll go have cake now, don't forget about the factory.**

* * *

><p><strong>Dear sugar:<strong>

**I love you.**

**Yours forever,**

**L.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear pale freaky dude and blonde lady:<em>

_Welcome to Willy Wonka's chocolate factory!_

_Willy Wonka._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Mello:<strong>

**Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka.**

**L.**

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

The amazing chocolatier.

Mello.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Mello:<strong>

**Willy Wonka, Willy Wonka.**

**L.**

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

Everybody give a cheer.

Mello.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Mello:<strong>

**CHOCOLATE BUDDIES FOREVAAA! I HAD SO MUCH FUN! Lolz lmao, rofl , mlia!**

**This is the best trip EVER!**

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

Yeah, dude…you should cut down the sweets, though, you're having a sugar rush.

Stop spazzing, please; it's unsettling.

Mello.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Matsuda:<strong>

**MATSUDA YOU IDIOT!**

**L.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear L:<em>

_Well, that was uncalled for. I didn't even do anything this time._

_Matsuda._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Aizawa:<strong>

**I can't seem to find my pen.**

**Care to search for it in that big afro of yours? 3:)**

**L.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear L:<strong>_

_**You're grounded, so is Willy.**_

_**Matsuda and Aizawa are crying their eyeballs out.**_

_** I hope you're happy.  
><strong>__  
><em>

_**Watari.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Watari:<strong>

**3:)**

**I'm justice, you can't ground justice, it's considered a felony, and I can't afford you getting arrested. Willy will not be grounded either because he provides justice with chocolate, making him equally important. (almost, because nothing beats a super awesome detective.)**

**Sincerely,**

**The super awesome detective.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear L:<strong>_

_**I'm not going to argue with you for the sake of my mental health….or what's left of it, anyway.**_

_**Remind me to ring my psychiatrist, please.**_

_**Watari.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Watari:<strong>

**Remember to ring your psychiatrist.**

**Sorry, couldn't resist.**

**L.**

* * *

><p><strong>Yaaay, I wrote the third chappie! I hope you liked it and sorry if you didn't get the "Charlie and the Chocolate factory" references.<br>Eeep! This is possibly the longest chapter in the fic so far :D**

**Please review, because I honestly want to know if this story is funny enough or not.**

**Thanks for reading, here's a cookie (::) **


	4. The Lame Sheep and The Shiniparty

**Hello everyone ;) I'm back with a new chapter, hope you like it!**

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

I admit defeat; I'm a jerk and a stupid, toy eating albino sheep. You're number one.

Sincerely,

Near.

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

I did not write that last letter.

Sincerely,

Lame.

PS: before you snicker, I'm not saying that my name is "lame", I'm just merely pointing out that your pathetic attempts to indulge yourself are in fact, lame.

Near (the real one)

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Near:<strong>

**Do you always use such big words?**

**Sincerely,**

**Amused gamer.**

* * *

><p>Dear Anyone:<p>

I like cheese.

Mogi.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Dear Mogi:<em>**

**_I like you too, wanna grab a coffee? ;)_**

**_Cheese._**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Ryuk:<em>

_Shiniparty, my house, 9 pm._

_You can bring a friend._

_Rem._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Rem:<strong>_

_**Interesting….see you there, Remi!**_

_**Ryuk.**_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Ryuk:<em>

_Do. Not. Call. Me. Remi._

_I'm a shinigami, not a pet poodle with a bow and manicured nails._

_Rem._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Rem:<strong>_

_**Alright, alright….Jeez.**_

_**Hmmm, I hope there will be plenty of apples.**_

_**Ryuk.**_

_**PS: do poodles have manicured nails?**_

_**PPS: how is your human doing with you?**_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Ryuk:<em>

_Don't worry, there will be._

_Sometimes poodles DO have manicures, it's disturbing. My eyes were never the same again, and that's saying something for a god of death._

_About Misa Amane, she's horrid and I think she's starting to grow a beard._

_I didn't know it was biologically possible. What about Yagami?_

_Rem._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Rem:<strong>_

_**Light is no better, as he is currently planning world domination by means of a stale piece of bread, a goldfish, and a mustache he's currently growing (great minds do think alike).**_

_**Ryuk.**_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Ryuk:<em>

_What's with humans and facial hair?_

_Rem._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Rem:<strong>_

_**You got that right sistaaa!**_

_**Ryuk.**_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Ryuk:<em>

_Erm.. the shiniparty has been cancelled, sorry._

_Rem._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Rem:<strong>_

_**But why? I was so looking forward to meetcha, gurlfraaand :D**_

_**Ryuk.**_

* * *

><p><em>Ryuk:<em>

_My friend's aunt's pet cobra died a week ago, we're still in mourning._

_Please leave me alone now._

_Rem._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear nobody in particular:<strong>_

_**Shinigamis are so….interesting.**_

_**Ryuk.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Hope you liked this :D Longer chapters are in the making! please review :)<strong>


	5. Fangirls and Destructive Boredom

**Sherugaruga oteie etette osheya akakka ozaya eeeeeeeh…sorry, I was trying to sing the theme song of Death Note (and failing miserably, obviously)**

**I just wanted to say thank you to my amazing reviewers, I was checking my e-mail today, not expecting to see anything and I almost fell off my chair when I saw 26 new e-mails, it seriously made my day! Thank you so much, love you all :)**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Mogi:<em>

_Here, have a strawberry._

_Just spreading the love._

_L._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear L:<strong>_

_**Omg I liek realy luf u ur so awsum n kyute n panda.**_

_**Wink wink! Lolz**_

_**Heheheehehehehe :***_

_**Sinusiriley,**_

_**Ur butyfel fan-gurlie (A/N: that was retarded on so many levels…)**_

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Light:<strong>

**Humans are so…interesting. *Dramatic music blasts from the letter background***

**Ryuk.**

* * *

><p><span>Dear Harry Potter:<span>

The boy who lived. Come to die.

Lord Voldemort.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Voldy dude:<strong>

**Wrong category, man.**

**Nice try, though.**

**Mello.**

* * *

><p><em><span>Dear Misa-Misa!:<span>_

_Misa-Misa is the prettiest, gorgeousest, awesomest girly girl. Yaaaaay!_

_Sincerely,_

_Misa-Misa._

* * *

><p>Hi:<p>

I'm bored.

Matt.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Matt:<strong>

**Well hello there! So am I! *insert evil laughter*. Let's play a little game, shall we?**

**Ryuk.**

* * *

><p>Dear Ryuk: (haha, funny name you have here :D)<p>

Sure thing, dude, grab your controller and come play FF8.

Matt.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear interesting human:<strong>

**I have a better idea, how about we play a trading game? I'll trade my shiny black leather magical destructive killing crazy supernatural extraterrestrial exciting fun terrifying notebook with an eternal supply of apples, how about that?**

**Ryuk.**

* * *

><p>Dear Ryuk *snorts* (sorry, your name is too funny, no hard feelings, man) :<p>

Cool! Let's :D

Matt.

* * *

><p><span>Dear Mikami:<span>

You're going down.

Takada.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Takada:<strong>

**Oh yeah? Well you're going downer.**

**Sincerely,**

**Bring it on, biatch!**

* * *

><p><strong>Thanks again for the awesome people who favorited, reviewed and added my story to their alert thingy :D<strong>

**However, I'm greedy and I want moaaaar reviews as they make me spazzy and giddy and kind of retarded, therefore, it makes me more able to write crack-fics!**

**btw, I mean no offence by the fan-girl letter, I myself am a fan-girl, I just thought it would be funny to add something like that :P**

**Sorry for adding such a short chapter, but the upcoming ones are longer.**

**I'll update soon ;) ( I use way too many smileys xD)**


	6. Mafia Dudes and Adorable Redheads

**Ugh, I kind of hate this chapter, but I wrote it anyway, maybe you'll like it. I don't know :S . If you don't like this chapter then skip it and I promise the next ones will be funnier.**

**Also, I'm sorry for not updating earlier, I don't like updating on saturdays and I was absolutely exhausted on sunday (got back from a shopping trip with my family at 11 pm)**

**Anyway, enjoy (or try to :P)**

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

DUDE LOOKS LIKE A LADY!

Matt :D

* * *

><p><span>Matt:<span>

I just flushed your Nintendo DS down the toilet.  
><span>Ha! Think again before messing with an awesome mafia boss like me!<span>

Mello

* * *

><p>Marshmello:<p>

So what? I sent all your chocolate stash as a present to L. I've become his favorite :D

Sincerely,  
>Who's laughing now?<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Mello:<strong>

**My God! I can't believe you're a mafia boss! The least you could do is give me part of the cash!**

**Watari. ):{ (he is not pleased. Hence the pissed unibrow in the smiley. oh, by the way, the last part of the smiley is supposed to look like a mustache, try to imagine it)**

* * *

><p><strong>Mello:<strong>

**I am thoroughly disappointed with you, I thought you had even the smallest amount of responsibility or discipline.**

**Near.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear World:<em>

_So, as successors, I have an albino kid with a fancy words problem, a blond mafia-dude crossdresser with psychological issues, a ginger, chilled obsessive gamer and an impostor whose only way of moving is by crawling._

_Lovely._

_Sincerely,_

_L._

_PS: don't worry, Matt, you're still my favorite, keep them coming._  
><em>PPS: Watari, I can't believe I once considered you a father. In other words, shame on you, and you're not going to the amusement park next week.<em>

* * *

><p><em>Dear dentist:<em>

_You're my worst nightmare._

_Sincerely,_  
><em>L<em>

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

No, I am!

Sincerely,  
>Strawberry-free world.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Dear Light:<em>

_As a fellow male specimen, I feel your sorrow; Misa will be now escorted to her own cell. Now be grateful, you little, mass murderer git._

_Always owning you,_  
><em>World's greatest 5 detectives. ( 2 have been recently added to the list, I know, even I didn't realize I could be cooler than I already was.)<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Roger:<strong>

**Please assist me in deflating L's big and still growing head.**  
><strong>He now laughs superiorly at the end of each sentence he says. EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE!<strong>  
><strong>He doesn't even call me Watari anymore; he calls me his faithful assistant.<strong>

**Sincerely,**  
><strong>I will personally set Light on the loose if you don't help me.<strong>

**Please**

**Pretty please…. :'{**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Dear Watari:<em>**

**_I feel for you, bro, he's quite the little weirdo. I'm coming ASAP._**

**_Roger._**

**_PS: I sincerely apologize for my eccentric language, the children have affected me severely._**

* * *

><p>Dear Roger:<p>

Fancy words again! Do you and Near happen to be related? Maybe he isn't an orphan after all.

Cheeky Matt (who everyone can't help but adore no matter what) :3

* * *

><p><span>Dear Matt:<span>

Way to be humble –note the sarcasm-

Mello.

* * *

><p>Dear chocolate addict of a best friend:<p>

Just admit that you're jealous.

Adorable Matt :3

* * *

><p><em>3 hours later...<em>

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Watari:<strong>_

_**Mission accomplished.**_  
><em><strong>Couldn't do it without a few casualties, though.<strong>_  
><em><strong>You should prepare him for therapy.<strong>_

_**Desperate times call for desperate measures.**_

_**Sincerely,**_  
><em><strong>Roger<strong>_

* * *

><p><em>My dearest Watari:<em>

_If you would be so good as to bring me a big bucket of vanilla flavored ice-cream._

_L._

_And don't forget my special blankie._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear soon-to-be-dead Roger:<strong>

**L never asks for vanilla.**  
><strong>Give me my bossson/psychopath back!**

**Watari.**

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry if it sucked. I like the next chapter better (which will be up in a short time).<strong>

**Thank you all for your reviews, you're awesome :)**


	7. Sissy Successors and Scarred Detectives

**Hey readers! Thank you so much for your amazing reviews and your support. Sorry if I don't reply to all the reviews. I only have a specific amount of time on the laptop (because I'll almost go blind if I stay for too long :P ) and I want to use the time I have to post the new chappies!**

* * *

><p>Dear Matt:<p>

I kind of hate you right now, I don't know why.

Mello.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Mello:<strong>

**:'( W…well, right back at you.**

**Wounded Matt.**

* * *

><p>10 minutes later…<p>

* * *

><p>Dear Matt:<p>

Why is Near gnawing on my hair?

Confused Mello. (But not too confused to be angry with you)

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Melly Smelly:<strong>

**I paid him to.**

**Enjoy.**

**Matt.**

* * *

><p><span>Dear Mello:<span>

Nomnomnomnomnomnom.

Near.

* * *

><p>A few hours later…<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Mello:<strong>

**Why in the digital world is Near hanging from the ceiling and throwing rotten strawberries at me?**

**Help!**

**Matt.**

* * *

><p>Dear Matt:<p>

I paid him double price.

And that's how revenge goes.

Don't worry, you'll learn someday.

Mello.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Mello:<em>

_I was going to eat those strawberries._

_Prepare yourself for a very painful death._

_L._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Near:<strong>

**You backstabber!**

**Matt.**

* * *

><p><span>Dear Matt:<span>

I apologize, but I needed the money for my new action figure.

Near.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear everyone (especially L and Mello, coz Near just doesn't do anything, well, except for throwing rotten strawberries at me –yeah, he's still doing that-)<strong>

**Just Chill, dudes.**

**Matt.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Matt:<em>

_Put a sock in it, will you?_

_L and Mello._

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

Can you please kill Matt and Near for me?

I'll leave all my chocolate inheritance for you.

Mello.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Mello:<em>

_Chocolate? I'd lov….uh…that is very wrong, Mello._

_However, I have a piece of advice for you._

_If you can't beat them, join them._

_L._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**We took your advice and we're now BFFs!**

**We even braid each other's hair and all!**

**Mello, Matt, and Near.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear successors (Minus B):<em>

_What about pillow fights?_

_L._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**We do that.**

**Matt, Mello and Near.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear MMN:<em>

_Shopping?_

_L._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**Hellz yeah! We bought THE most awesome shoes the other day.**

**MMN.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear MMN:<em>

_Manicure?_

_L._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**Yup!**

**MMN**

* * *

><p><em>Dear MMN:<em>

_Make up?_

_L._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**We keep it to the minimum, we already have natural beauty.**

**MMN.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear MMN:<em>

_OH THE HORROR!_

_Eh…errrr….OH MY GOD…..NOOOOOOOOO…..excuse me while I freak out over the fact that my successors have turned into a bunch of sissy girls._

_L._

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_Comfort lollies, hippo plushie, cow blanket NOW._

_L._

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_Why aren't you freaking replying?_

_L._

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_If you don't get me those things right now, I will release the nuclear bombs._

_L._

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

* * *

><p>And that, my friends, is how the world ended, no meteors, no earthquakes, no meltdowns, no alien invasion, just a very angry, plushie-deprived detective.<p>

* * *

><p><strong>Yaaaaay! I kinda like this chappie! It was looooong :D BB is gonna be the star of the chapter after the next one. Yep, I DO listen to you dear readers. I'm sorry it will be so late, but I can't add it now because it won't fit the baby plot I've created :P Wait for the updates and I hope you liked this one!<strong>


	8. BB Is Hurt and L Is a Pervert

**Dear readers:**

**Did you really think I would end the world (see previous chapter) and deprive you of the only joy you have in your world (my fanfiction…DUH!)?**

**Sincerely,**

**Your modest author.**

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

The cakes are coming right away, sir.

Don't swallow without chewing or I'll send you to bed without your chocolate cake dinner.

Watari.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_I don't sleep and you know it._

_Hand over the sucrose and no one gets hurt._

_L._

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

Just mutilated a few random people. Lolz !

Who's better now?

B.

* * *

><p>Dear BB:<p>

I still am because you're grounded.

For a whole month you're allowed no guns, no knives, no daggers, no saws, no RBJs, no swords, no darts and most of all, no jam.

Yeah, take that, backup.

L.

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

You are the wettest blanket I've ever had the displeasure to meet.

BB.

PS: call me backup again and your successors will be begging for my mercy.

* * *

><p><em>Dear B:<em>

_DON'T YOU DARE TO TOUCH MY SUCCESSORS, BEYOND BALLOON BIRTHDAY, DO YA HEAR MAY?_

_L. (who's currently having a fatherly/brotherly/mentorly moment)_

_PS: yeah, I know your shameful middle name :D_

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

H….how did you know about my middle name?

Fine, I won't hurt them, you got what you want.

Now excuse me while I go cry in a corner…I mean, go do some manly innocent stuff.

Beyond.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear everyone:<strong>

**I hate kids and I run an orphanage.**

**Sincerely,**

**Roger the schizophrenic.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Ryuk:<br>_

_I just got a girl's number and wrote it in your special notebook…erm..I think she just died. Does that have anything to do with you or the special notebook?_

_Concerned Matt._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Matt:<strong>_

_***Cackles***_

_**Ryuk.**_

* * *

><p><em>Dear world:<em>

_Why is there a strange Japanese movie where I change you?_

_L._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Misa:<strong>

**Please stop screaming along to the songs on the radio. I can hear you, I'm staying in the cell next to you for My sake!**

**Light.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Light:<strong>_

_**I have the most angelic voice. How can you not like it? Do you not love me, Lightoooo?**_

_**OHMYGODYOUDONTLOVEME! :'(**_

_**Misa-Misa :(**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear L:<strong>_

_**You pervert!**_

_**Misa-Misa.**_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Misa:<em>

_Shut your big mouth if you please; I have no time for beings like you._

_L._

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

YOU GO MY DEAR BOY! KICK HER BUTT!

Proud Watari :{

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_Thank you, but I wouldn't dare to do that because if I do I WILL be a pervert._

_L._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Watari:<strong>

**Put down the pom-poms please.**

**Roger.**

* * *

><p>Dear Roger:<p>

Come on, man, live a little, let your hair down.

Sorry, forgot you don't have much left.

Watari.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Light:<em>

_How is Misa doing with you? *insert evil smile*_

_L._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**Please kill me.**

**Now.**

**Light.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Light:<em>

_It would be my pleasure to, but it would be such a shame to have you die without experiencing life next to the most annoying, suicide provoking creature._

_I'm enjoying this thing way too much._

_L._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**Have I told you before that I hate you?**

**Light.**

* * *

><p>Dear Light:<p>

This is precisely the 739th time.

Yes, I do keep count, it could come in handy someday.

L.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear L:<strong>_

_**You are such a perverted perverty pervert.**_

_**Misa-Misa :(**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>DEAR STUPIDEST ANIME CHARACTER IN THE UNIVERSE:<strong>_

_**SHUT UP!**_

_**L AND LIGHT**_

_**PS: WHY ARE WE WRITING IN CAPS?**_

_**PPS: WHY IS YOUR NAME FIRST?**_

_**PPPS:WE ARE WRITING IN CAPS COZ WE'RE ANGRY. I'M STARTING TO HAVE A HEADACHE COZ THE VOICE IN MY HEAD IS YELLING.**_

_**PPPPS:MY NAME IS FIRST BECAUSE I'M THE AWESOMEST PERSON IN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE AND YOUR NAME DOESN'T DESERVE TO BE WRITTEN NEXT TO MINE LET ALONE BEFORE IT (OUT OF THE KINDNESS OF MY HEART I LET YOUR NAME BE WRITTEN BECAUSE WE WANT TO INTIMIDATE MISA AND BECAUSE SHE WORSHIPS THE CELL YOU'RE IMPRISONED IN)**_

* * *

><p><strong>Whew…finally done with this chappie!<strong>

**I don't like posting on Saturdays, but because of the stupid delay by stupid fanfiction. net -I hope they're not reading this or I'd be in soooo much trouble-**

**Anyway, I didn't want the chapter to be posted so late, so I just went for it.**

**Please review!**


	9. The Super Awesome Disguise

**Sorry for not posting sooner, but the second semester of school just started on Monday, I haven't studied a single word and everything -beside school- simply sucks. I'm glad I've already written this chapter or else I would be killing off all the characters :D**

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

We've been sorting through your old case files.

We just wanted to tell you that you look beautiful in a flowing summer dress and hot pink heels.

MMN.

* * *

><p><em>Dear MMN:<em>

_That was a disguise necessary for an important case. Tell a soul and I'll feed you my dirty socks collection._

_L._

_PS: How's that BFF thing? *shudders*_

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

Our lips are sealed. We've stumbled upon your collection and it's not a pretty sight. Near is still having nightmares.

And now he's telling us he doesn't, yeah right!

MMN.

PS: stronger than ever, we had a girl's….uuhhhh….boyish manly boy's night yesterday, it was SO much fun, you HAVE to see Mello's toenails, they're all cute and sparkly! And it's such a manly sight, of course.

* * *

><p><em>Dear MMN:<em>

_I'm scarred for life. I'll go vomit my lunch now._

_Later._

_L._

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

Have a happy vomiting.

By the way, we forgot to tell you that pigtails really suit you, but try to choose a lighter lipstick color next time, it will bring out your eyes.

MMN.

* * *

><p><em>Dear MMN:<em>

_Did I mention that I also have a rotten muffins collection?_

_L._

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

You don't have to. It left us all in tears last year. No exceptions. Even Near can't deny that.

MMN.

* * *

><p><em>Dear MMN:<em>

_Do you always search in my room like that? Besides, how could you get past the laser, the bear traps, the arrows and the dogs?_

_L._

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

That's what you get for making a group of curious geniuses your successors.

MMN.

* * *

><p><em>Dear MMN:<em>

_I'm impressed. Angry, but impressed._

_L._

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

While you're in your "impressed" mode, we would like to tell you that we've put up your "disguise" picture on a dating site.

36 strangers are interested in you.

MMN.

* * *

><p><em>Dear MMN:<em>

_Don't eat dinner yet, I'm coming home to shove my socks down your throats._

_L._

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

87 now. We think you broke a record.

Told you you make a beautiful female.

MMN (we're not afraid of you...well, maybe just a little bit..)

* * *

><p><em>Dear MMN:<em>

_O_O_

_L._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**Wow, L, is that you? You look so….pretty :3**

**I'm not making fun of you, I swear to Myself.**

**Sooooo, do you want to grab a coffee somewhere in the prison café? ;)**

**Light.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear readers:<em>

_As of now, I'm banging my head against the wall and deforming my cookie with a scalpel, in case you were curious._

_L._

* * *

><p><em>Dear author:<em>

_Why do you do this to me?  
>I thought I was your favorite anime character :'(<em>

_Devastated L._

* * *

><p><strong><em>Dear L:<em>**

_***Evil laughter that would put BB to shame*  
>*turning schizophrenic*:<br>Awwwww! Don't cry you ickle panda cupcake super awesome detective :3**_

_**The author.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Finally done with the chappie, sorry it's kind of short :)<strong>

**The next one is better, wait for it :D**

**I'll probably post it next week though, I'll try to post it this week, but I can't promise you anything.**

**Make my awful day and review!**


	10. The Sorrowful Breakup

**Chapter 10 is here! *passes around celebratory cookies stolen from L***

**How about we have a drinking game? (fizzy drinks, thank you very much, I will not promote alcohol addiction). Whenever I write the word "awesome","retarded" or "strawberry", take a pint, I bet you'll be bloated in a matter of a few minutes**.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear L:<strong>_

_**We are very sorrowful to tell you that we had a fight over a bottle of lip-gloss and we aren't BFFs anymore. The thought itself makes us tear up, but beauty above all. Even if it means not having all those amazing pillow fights and girl-ta….uh macho boy-talks and singing along to Britney Spears songs while throwing around pink glitter and dancing in it.**_

_**Ahhhhhhhh…good times.**_

_**Sadly, they're over now. We are sorry for the long letter, but since it's the last one with the signature MMN, we figured it should be long to provoke sadness, you know, you could produce a tear or two.**_

**_Don't forget the tea parties with our teddy bears :3_**

_**Sorry, that's just Matt being stupid.**_

**But correct.**

_**Nobody asked for that human cotton candy's opinion, anyway.**_

_**We don't make any sense, do we?**_

_**Well, that's what heartbreak tends to do to people :'(**_

_**Sincerely,**_

_**The heartbroken, not meant to be MMN.**_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_Balloons, Confetti, Mega Plushie, and THE Ultimate Chocolate Vanilla Strawberry Caramel Cake._

_L._

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

OH EM GEE! Capitalized too! What's the special occasion?

Watari.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_The BFF thing with Matt, Mello and Near is finally over. I can now die happy._

_L._

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

Thank God! I was having nightmares about this thing, I woke up screaming one night.

Watari.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_I know. You came to hide under my bed._

_L._

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

Well, at least I scared away the monsters there.

Watari.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_It was only natural you would scare them away with the walrus sounds you were making. Thank you, anyway, I slept like a baby raccoon :3_

_L._

_PS: Now let's get this party starteeeeed! WOOHOOOOO :D_

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

Please refrain from withholding my tools of entertainment (toys) from my reach.

That is a very immature act, highly inappropriate for a so-called successor.

Near.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear (not) Near:<strong>

**Haha! You make me laugh sometimes.**

**That doesn't mean I like you, though.**

**Mello.**

**P.S: it also doesn't mean that I consider you my friend or anything.**

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

Says the one who just begged me to let him play with my glittery lipstick just a few hours ago.

Near.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Near:<strong>

**Just so you know, it was awful, utterly tasteless.**

**Mello.**

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

Is that why you smudged your whole face with it and ate half of the bar?

Near.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Near :<strong>

**Don't forget the kissy faces he made. They would put a make-up model to shame.**

**Matt.**

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Matt:<strong>

**You just had to remember that, didn't you?**

**Mello.**

**PS: you're not getting away with this.**

* * *

><p><strong>Albino freak:<strong>

**Shut up.**

**Sincerely,**

**A guy who's gonna shove something down your throat if you don't.**

* * *

><p>Boys:<p>

Behave!

Watari :{

* * *

><p><strong><em>Dear boys:<em>**

**_Does anyone want to join me for dinner? I'm craving for little humans right now. Henh..Henh :)_**

**_BB._**

* * *

><p>dear BB:<p>

If you don't stop, I will not take you with me to the SpongeBob SqaurePants fair.

Watari.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Watari:<strong>_

_**Anything but that! I'm sorry, I'm so sorry! I'm incredibly, utterly, extremely sorry, I JUST WANNA SEE PATRICK STAAAAAAAAAAAR :'(**_

_**That's because I'm a ruthless, creepy badass, of course.**_

_**Beyond-who-is-definitely-scary-and-mature-and-doesn't-like-that-amazingly-funny-stupid-pink-starfish.**_

* * *

><p><strong>I am so awesome aren't I? Here I am, sacrificing all my studying just to entertain you with my breathtakingly amazing fanfiction :D (I'm kidding in case you haven't noticed, I don't want you thinking I'm an arrogant git. *shudders*)<strong>


	11. BB's Experiments and Mr Leafy Crackers

**I know, I know, I'm horrible, I haven't updated for soooooo long :( but school's been stupid, as usual. Anyway, here is the new chappie!**

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

I'm bored; I think I'll make some experiments on your pet turtle.

BB.

* * *

><p><em>Dear BB:<em>

_What kind of experiments exactly, may I ask?_

_L._

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

My kind. Henh..henh…henh.

BB.

* * *

><p><em>Dear BB:<em>

_NO! ANYONE BUT LEAFY CRACKERS!_

_L._

_PS: I gave him a first AND a last name, DO YOU MIND?_

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

No, not at all :)

Don't worry, I won't kill him…yet.

BB.

* * *

><p><em>Dear BB:<em>

_Go drown yourself in a jar of jam and leave my best friend alone._

_L._

* * *

><p><span>Dear L:<span>

So you have a turtle as a best friend? No wonder you're so pathetic.

Light.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Light:<strong>_

_**HOW DARE YOU, YOU SON OF A VEGETABLE? I CAN'T BELIEVE HOW VILE YOU ARE! L CAN HAVE WHATEVER HE WANTS FOR A BEST FRIEND, HE CAN HAVE A SHOEBOX FOR A BEST FRIEND IF HE WANTS TO BECAUSE HE'S THE MOST ADORABLE THING EVAAAA! DO YOU HEAR ME? DO YA HEAAAR MAAAY?**_

_**!%$$#**_  
><em><strong>A rabid L fangirl.<strong>_

* * *

><p><em>Dear BB:<em>

_Please ignore the creep and take care of Light, I'll send you a new dagger._

_L._

* * *

><p>Dear Light:<p>

Hello! How would you like to die today? We have assorted ways, you could be drowned, burned, or buried alive. There's also a choice of being repeatedly shot, sliced up in half or thrown to hungry dragons.

We have wonderful after-murder services: facials, spa treatment, massage, mud baths (right after the blood bath..henh..henh :D ) and simply everything your heart desires.

Take your pick and let me know!

BB.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Beyond:<em>

_Thank you, but you have taken it too far, dragons do not exist._

_L._

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

They DO exist..at least in this fanfiction. That psychotic author is the one in charge.

Sincerely,

the proud owner of a brand new, VERY sharp dagger.

* * *

><p>*<em>author makes an exaggerated bow to the cheering audience and face plants on the floor cause she's clumsy like that*<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**BB is sharpening the dagger you gave him as a gift and staring at me in his weird _I'm-a-sadistic-serial-killer-and-I'm-gonna-kill-you-slowly-and-painfully _way.**

**Please help me before I pee my pants…again.**

**Matt (who right now smells heavily of scared pee).**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Dear Matt:<em>**

**_Please go take a shower, my nostrils won't be able to take it any longer._**

**_And please don't do it on the floor again, I almost broke my neck._**

**_Mello._**

* * *

><p><em><span>Dear Matt:<span>_

_How many times do I have to tell you? Do NOT play your PS3 in the garbage cans!  
>My dead cat's sandbox-soaked socks smell better than you.<em>

_Go. Shower. Now_

_Roger._

* * *

><p><em>Dear Beyond:<em>

_Orphanage mates are friends, not victims._

_L._

* * *

><p><em>Dear Matt:<em>

_Somehow I'll make a man out of you!_

_L._

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

You should stop watching Disney movies too much.

BB.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear BB:<strong>_

_**And you know that these are quotes from Disney movies because…?**_

_**Cheeky Mello (Matt's cheekiness is contagious)**_

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

I've chosen you to volunteer for the experiments L won't let me make on his turtle.

BB.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear B:<strong>_

_**I'll keep my mouth shut then.**_

_**Mello.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Mello:<strong>

**You too need a shower, dontcha?**

**Matt.**

* * *

><p><strong>I like the word "pee", it's funny. Pee..hehe..pee...PEE! xD (just pretend you didn't read that, I'm only being my usual retarded self)<strong>

**Anyway, there is the chapter! I enjoyed writing it, and I'm crossing my fingers till they break that you liked it too :D**

**Oh, and I hope you get the Finding Nemo and Mulan...oh my God, I can't find the word that describes those thingies..I feel illiterate :S**

**Review, peoplez!**


	12. Too Lazy To Come Up With A Name: Part 1

**I'm half-asleep writing this chapter. BE GRATEFUL OR I'LL EAT YOUR TOES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT...ew.  
>Yeah..anyway, I'm trying to compensate not updating for more than two weeks, so here you go!<strong>

* * *

><p>Dear random lady at Wammy's House:<p>

I want a full medical report about mister Cracker's health status. Also, make sure he eats all his caviar and solves the New York kidnapping case.

L.

* * *

><p><span>Dear L:<span>

For the last time, my name is Nutella.

Nu-freaking-tella.

* * *

><p>Dear random lady at Wammy's house:<p>

Your name makes me hungry, I DO remember it, I just choose not to say it because it makes me unconsciously drool.

L.

* * *

><p><span>Dear L:<span>

Voldemort would look normal next to you.

Nutella.

* * *

><p><em>Dear L:<em>

_I need to see you ASAP._

_Light._

* * *

><p>Dear Light:<p>

I'll have to pass, thank you very much.

The last time I came to visit you, you tried to strangle me with your pet cactus.

L.

* * *

><p><em>Dear L:<em>

_I can't believe it didn't work. And I lost Barney too._

_I…I need a moment :'(_

_Light._

* * *

><p>Dear Light:<p>

Soooo, are you done with your moment yet? I need to go to the bathroom.

L. *waiting awkwardly and trying to hold it in*

* * *

><p><em>Dear L:<em>

_Yes, I'm done. I was planning to write her name anyway._

_Uuuh…depot her, I mean._

_Anyway, I wanted to tell you that I've been released (and I'm struggling not to write that in capital letters to rub it in your stupid pale face)_

_Light._

* * *

><p>Dear Interpol:<p>

You're fired.

L.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Dear L:<span>**

**Sir, yes sir!**

**The Interpol.**

* * *

><p>Dear Watari:<p>

I need my plotting hat; Kira is on the loose again.

L.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear L:<strong>_

_**I only have your thinking boxers and the comfort plushie.**_

_**Watari.**_

* * *

><p>Dear Watari:<p>

Those will do.

L.

* * *

><p><em>Dear L:<em>

_Do you want the slicing knife and the happiness spear too? Henh…henh._

_BB._

* * *

><p>Dear BB:<p>

Stop spying on my letters and go play with some corpses.

L.

* * *

><p><em><span>Dear L:<span>_

_Even THAT'S too disgusting for me. I'd rather play with living bodies._

_BB._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear L:<strong>_

_**Remember that time when we saved your ass from Roger for stealing his underwear and waving it around on life broadcast and you said you owed us one?**_

_**Well, it's about time you paid us back.**_

_**MMN from behind bars.**_

* * *

><p>Dear MMN:<p>

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

And what's with the bond signature? Don't you hate each others now?

L.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear L:<strong>_

_**We'd rather you didn't know, and we're back to our bond signature because we realised friendship is bigger than just a bag of makeup …and because we're only allowed one letter.**_

_**MMN.**_

* * *

><p><strong>I don't like this chappie :S It's not so funny. AND it's short, but I'm half asleep, so...yeah. Next one's better, wait for it!<strong>

**And REVIEW! There was only one review left for this fanfic to reach 50 reviews :'( *wallowing in self-pity***


	13. Too Lazy To Come Up With A Name: Part 2

**Hello ^_^ So this is part 2 of the previous chappie, so in case you don't remember –and I'm wounded by that, by the way. Wounded, I tell you- MMN are in prison and they're asking for L's help, that's all.**

* * *

><p>Dear MMN:<p>

Mr. Leafy is on his way to you, dontcha worreh, dearies.

L.

* * *

><p><em>Dear L:<em>

_Who in Mario's mustache is Mr. Leafy?_

_MMN._

* * *

><p>Dear MMN:<p>

My super detective turtle :)

How can you not remember him? He's so wounded that he's thinking of not coming to your rescue.

L.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Dear L:<em>**

**_Of course we remember him! I used to have a serious crush on the little dude._**

**_Mello._**

**_…I should have kept that to myself, huh?_**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Mello:<em>

_Sorry, can't hear you over my barfing and Near's snickers._

_Matt._

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

Yes, you should have.

L.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**Is he the one who always thought I was a public toilet?**

**I think the smell of his poo is still stuck on me.**

**Near.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Near:<strong>_

_**No, darlin', that's your natural smell.**_

_**L and Mello.**_

* * *

><p><em>Dear everyone:<em>

_Ha! Sheep got owned ;)_

_Matt._

* * *

><p>Dear MMN:<p>

Hey, what happened to "we're only allowed one letter?" I figure these things out because I'm a detective, you know!

A damn good one too ;)

Anyway, back to our subject. I demand answers.

L.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**Well, that would be too boring, wouldn't it?**

**The author.**

* * *

><p>Dear author:<p>

What are you, exactly?

L.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**You can say I'm a big fan. *bats eyelashes***

**Will you marry me? Pretty please with chocolate cake on top? ;)**

**Rabid author.**

* * *

><p>Dear miss rabid author:<p>

Did you just say chocolate?

I DO!

L.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear author:<strong>_

_**I do too!**_

_**Mello.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Mello:<strong>

**Awww! arnt chu da chweetecht :3 (A/N: my spell check is currently dying from all the retardedness. Rest in peace, Mr. Potatoes.)**

**The author.**

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

Stay out of this

And dear author:

Again, I DO!

L.

* * *

><p><strong>My chocolate brings all the Ls to my wed and I'm like, he's drowning in the cake. And this song is awkward, 'cause it didn't even rhyme.<strong>

**Mrs. L.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear miss author:<strong>_

_**You cannot marry a fictional character, just saying.**_

_**Near.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Near:<strong>

**And how would you know that, looooooooser?**

**MRS. FREAKING L.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear author:<strong>_

_**My loserness does not have anything to do with my logic.**_

_**Near.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Near:<strong>

**I have the power to erase you from existence.**

**Mrs. Lawliet.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear author:<strong>_

_**So when's the honeymoon?**_

_**Near.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Near:<strong>

**Smart one you are!**

**Now, everyone, THIS is an example of someone who values his own life 3:)**

**Mrs. L.**

* * *

><p>Dear MMN:<p>

Ignore the psychopath wife and tell me what you did. NOW!

L.

* * *

><p><em>Dear L:<em>

_Let's just say it has something to do with a rare ballet dancing hippopotamus, a life supply of bubble wrap, 3 FBI agents, and a sewage system gone bad. Gone very bad. Gone very very bad. Gone very very very bad. Gone ve.._

* * *

><p>ALRIGHT, I GET IT! STOP SAYING IT FOR THE SAKE OF MY SOUFFLES!<p>

However, you've exceeded all my expectations.

L.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear MMN:<strong>

**How dare you do that, you bunch of used baby diapers? I am absolutely disgusted (A/N: a VERY happy cookie to whoever read this in Mrs. Weasley's voice)**

**Mrs. L :3**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear author:<strong>_

_**Shut up, this is a death note fanfic, it's not about a pathetic, rabid author so desperate as to marry a fictional character in a story she's writing.**_

_**LMMN.**_

* * *

><p><em>*author goes off to her crying corner and…well, she cries, because that's what we usually do in a crying corner. Very uncreative, I know.*<em>

* * *

><p>Dear MMN:<p>

Details.

L.

* * *

><p><em>Dear L:<em>

_You don't want to know them or you'll be joining the Mrs. in her crying corner._

_MMN._

* * *

><p><strong>WOAH! that's a long chapter :D I stayed up till 6 am to write it, but anything for you, my awesome readers *bats eyelashes*..WAIT! I'm already married to L :3<strong>

**On a more serious note ( I didn't know it was possible, either), I got flamed yesterday by an anonymous reviewer, the flame was about my Hunger Games fanfiction that's called "What Could Have Been". The review was really retarded, she went on about how great of a writer she was , and how the fic was bad and she didn't even point out anything wrong with my fic, it sounded like she was just trolling, but since I'm insecure about my writing, the flame hurt. I deleted the review because I don't want to see it again, and because if readers see it before reading the fic, they would probably believe what she wrote and wouldn't bother reading it. So, if anyone of you knows HG and finished reading it, or if anyone's not planning to read it (it contains spoilers up till mockingjay) then please, check it out and tell me honestly if it's good or if it really sucks. If you won't read the books, don't mind about the events, just tell me about the language and the writing style.**

**Sorry for bothering you, and thanks a lot for reading, reviewing, favoriting, and all that stuff *insert heart because fanfiction wouldn't let it show***


	14. Crying Watari And Dramatic Mello

**I have school 7 hours later, and I haven't slept yet. Oh well, this is more important :D YOU are more important, my awesome readers *eyebrow wiggle* Okay, just pretend you didn't read that, I'm just being my usual retared self :P**

**Oh, by the way, 60 REVIEWS! YOU GUYS ROCK! THANKS A LOT!**

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

Where's my caviar?

Mr. Crackers.

* * *

><p>Dear Leafy-poo:<p>

In the fridge next to your jewellery.

Enjoy, honey :3

L.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**I did NOT allow Leafy to be able to read and write.**

**The author (that's right, I divorced you.)**

* * *

><p>Dear author:<p>

You do realize that Leafy has better education than yours, don't you?

L.

* * *

><p>Dear author:<p>

It's true.

Mr. Leafy Crackers.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear everyone:<strong>

***Face-desk***

**The author.**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Dear L:<em>**

**_Hello! We're still in prison, just thought we'd let you know._**

**_MMN (your poor beloved successors)_**

**_PS: hurry up because Mello's hair has become messy and he's starting to go into hysterics._**

* * *

><p><strong>Dear MMN:<strong>

**OMG NO! HIS HAIR CAN NOT BE MESSED UP! WHAT'S HAPPENING TO THE WORLD?**

**Watari :'{**

* * *

><p>Dear Watari:<p>

Stay out of this, please and go play hide and seek with Roger.

L.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**I did, and I won each time :3**

**Watari.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_Did not!_

_Roger._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Roger:<strong>

**Did too! I caught you behind that tree, remember?**

**Watari.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_DID NOT! That was my evil twin!_

_Roger._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Roger:<strong>

**DID TOO! AND STOP LYING YOU AWFUL LIAR! YOUR LIES JUST MAKE ME WANT TO CRY EVEN MORE.**

**Watari.**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Dear anyone:<em>**

**_Someone stop them from arguing and please help me for Willy Wonka's sake._**

**_OH GOD! I THINK I CAN SEE THE LIGHT! IT'S STARING RIGHT IN MY EYES :'(_**

**_Mello._**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Mello:<em>

_It's your flashlight._

_Near._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Near:<strong>_

_**DON'T INTERRUPT MY DRAMATIC MOMENT!**_

_**Mello.**_

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

Hang in there, buddy. I'm coming to get you.

Crackers.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Mr. Crackers:<strong>_

_**You're my hero :3**_

_**I luf you :***_

_**I'll give ya all ma chaaaacleeeet.**_

_**Love u babeh.**_

_**Mello.**_

* * *

><p>Dear NM:<p>

Somebody sedate him, he's freaking me out :S *Self pee*

Mr. Crackers.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_Please stop crying, Mello's hair is gonna be alright._

_Roger._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Roger:<strong>

**Pinkie promise?**

**Watari.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_Pinkie promise._

_Roger._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Roger:<strong>

**Shake on it?**

**Watari.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_Shake on it._

_Roger._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Roger:<strong>

**Spit o….**

_Shut up Wammy, I swear upon your mustache that it'll be okay. *Pulls his own mustache out of its roots*_

_Roger._

* * *

><p><em>Dear Kira:<em>

_If you still exist, will you please kill me?_

_Roger._

* * *

><p><strong><em>Dear Roger:<em>**

**_I don't do requests :)_**

**_Kira._**

* * *

><p>Dear Interpol:<p>

You've been reinstated because I need someone to bring me ice cream and Watari is busy washing my superhero cape.

L.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Mr. L:<em>

_Sir, yes sir!_

_We can't thank you enough!_  
><em>*Insert military sophisticated manly tears*<em>

_The Interpol._

* * *

><p><em>Dear Mr. L:<em>

_Do you want it strawberry or chocolate?_

_The Interpol._

* * *

><p>Dear Interpol:<p>

Both, the plus size, with a bendy straw.

And don't forget the toy :3

Uhhh…for Near ,of course.

L.

* * *

><p><strong>I do love me some retarded Watari. Review and he will stop crying :D<strong>


	15. The Epic Shinifight

**Sorry for not updating. I've been lazy :P I also have a Math exam after tomorrow. (AGAIN) Seriously, these people live to torture us...  
><strong>

**Oh, there was this reviewer who told me that I should have BB in the cell next to MMN, I just wanted to ask you, my dear reviewer, do you have telepathy? How did you know I wanted to do that? ARE YOU SPYING ON ME? OMG YOU'RE SPYING ON ME! SOMEONE CALL AN AMBULANCE :O YOU HAVE TO BE ARRESTED FOR BREAKING AN ENTERING!  
><strong>

**Don't worry, I won't arrest you, I need you to read my fanfic, you know. You can't just read fanfics in prison.**

**Anyway, I hope you're not disappointed by this chapter, next one's better. I promise.**

* * *

><p>Dear Crackers:<p>

What's taking you so long? I need to poo :(

Near.

* * *

><p><span>Dear Near:<span>

Hello! I'm a turtle! DUH!

Pfffft…so much for a genius.

Crackers.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Crackers:<em>

_Don't mind her, gurlfraaand!_

_Ryuk :3_

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Ryuk:<strong>

**Please stop freaking people out with your Kesha attitude, it's not funny anymore.**

**Rem.**

(A/N: I don't know if Kesha actually talks like that, but she's the only one I could think of, bear with my ignorance. Tiger with my ignorance! HAHA! Did you get it? Bear and Tiger! It's a pun. I'm in a very punny mood now, it's so funny :D ….Okay, I'll shut up now since I'm the only one who's laughing.)

* * *

><p><em>Dear Remi:<em>

_Technically, Crackers is not considered "people". Ha! In your face, BIATCH!_

_Ryuk._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Ryuk:<strong>

**What-Did-You-Just-Call-Me?**

**Rem.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Remi:<em>

_I just called you biatch, biatch!_

_Got a problem, darlin'? :D_

_Ryuk._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Ryuk:<strong>

**The hell I do!**

**Rem.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Rem and Ryuk:<strong>_

_**SHINIFIGHT! SHINIFIGHT! SHINIFIGHT! SHINIFIGHT!**_

_**MMN.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Ryuk:<strong>

**You bring shame upon our species.**

**Rem.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Rem:<em>

_You don't love apples. Shinis who don't love apples suck._

_Ryuk._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Ryuk:<strong>

**Overdramatic creep!**

**Rem.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Rem:<em>

_Transgender!_

_Ryuk._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Ryuk:<strong>

**APPLE LOVER!**

**Rem.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Rem:<em>

_I take that back, you're not a transgender, you're genderLESS._

_Ryuk._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Ryuk:<strong>

**WINGED PIG!**

**Rem.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Rem:<em>

_HUMAN STALKER!_

_Ryuk._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Ryuk:<strong>

**I'm running out of good insults. Call it a truce?**

**Rem.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Rem:<em>

_As long as we stay best friends forever :3_

_Ryuk._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Ryuk:<strong>

**Yeah…sure.**

**Rem.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_Where's my dolphin?_

_L._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**You sold him to Light in exchange for candy, REMEMBER?**

**You will not get away with this, L.**

**He was the brother I never had :'(**

**Watari.**

* * *

><p><span>Dear Watari:<span>

Don't you have a better place to wipe your snoot that on my sleeve?

Roger.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**Waaaaaaaaa :'( even Roger hates meeeeeeh :(**

**Watari.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_Here, have an apple. You need it more than I do._

_Ryuk._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Ryuk:<strong>

**Thank you, it was delicious, but I threw the rest of it away because I'm on a strict diet. Summer's coming, you know ;)**

**Watari.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_I was only kidding when I gave you the apple. GIVE IT BACK TO ME YOU INTERESTING, STUPID HUMAN!_

_Awh, crap, I haven't had an apple for the last five minutes. Here come the withdrawal symptoms again..._

_Ryuk._

* * *

><p>Dear Crackers:<p>

Nevermind, I don't need to poo anymore.

Near.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Dear Matt:<em>**

**_What's that smell under my pillow?_**

**_Mello._**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Mello:<em>

_Can't you be a Pokémon for once? This place is boring._

_Matt._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Matt:<strong>_

_**What the hell?**_

_**Mello, Near, L, Watari, Misa, Ryuk, Rem, Light, Roger, Soichiro, Matsuda, Hermione ,Cinderella, Ursula, Nemo, Peeta, Gandalf, Gale, Dobby, the tooth fairy, every-fictional-character-you-can-think-of.**_

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

Remember that time you took revenge on me?

I took revenge on your revenge.

BAM!

Near.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Near:<strong>_

_**Now I took revenge on your revenge on my revenge.**_

_**Enjoy your puke-soaked pyjamas.**_

_**Mello.**_

* * *

><p><em><span>Dear Mello and Near:<span>_

_I wish we could just live together peacefully and eat a cake full of sunshine. Why can't we just be best friends and run into the sunset in fields of pretty flowers?_

_Matt._

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

Ignore him, he's had a Black Ops overdose.

Near.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Near:<strong>_

_**I can tell.**_

_**Mello.**_

* * *

><p>dear readers:<p>

I have an exam after tomorrow and I have absolutely no idea about any of my lessons, so I'll stop writing letters now.

The author.

* * *

><p><strong>What do you think of this chapter? Hope it didn't disappoint you :)<strong>

**oh, by the way, check out one of my other DN fanfics, it's a crack-fic too. It's called "Painkillers and Braids" :D  
><strong>

**PS: last time I checked, advertising my own fanfics was pathetic, but not illegal, so… :P JUST GO READ IT, PEOPLE!**

**And don't forget to review :3**


	16. B Joins The Partaay & Misa Kills Some IQ

**Firstly (is that even a word? :S Yeah, anyway) :I would LOVE to thank all my amazing reviewers who review every single chapter, I'm very grateful that you're sticking to this fanfic even though I don't think it's as funny as it used to be :(**

* * *

><p>Dear MMN:<p>

Nice to see you here, we'll have so much fun together :)

B

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear B:<strong>_

_**Sure…**_

_***group self pee***_

_**MMN**_

* * *

><p>Dear MMN:<p>

I don't think the prison cleaner will be too happy with that.

B.

* * *

><p><em>Dear B:<em>

_Alright, how many people did you kill to get into prison?_

_L._

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

How could you think of me that way? I'm perfectly peaceful! I'm wounded, L. Wounded, I tell you! :'(

B.

* * *

><p><em>Dear B:<em>

_Cut the crap please._

_L._

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

Aww, you know me too well ;)  
>I was in a good mood, so I went on a killing spree.<p>

25 dead, 56 wounded and 34 limbs still not found.

B.

PS: They were all criminals so it doesn't matter anyway.

* * *

><p><span>Dear B:<span>

You are my HERO :3 I think I may love you.

Light-Who-Feels-Like-An-Amateur-Next-To-You-Although-He-Is-Obviously-A-God

* * *

><p>Dear gay dude:<p>

Shut up or you'll be next.

B.

* * *

><p><em>Dear B:<em>

_Stupid bowl-cut Justin Bieber impostor owned!_

_I'm your biggest fangirl right now :3_

_Mello._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Mello:<strong>_

_**O_O**_

_**BLMN.**_

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Mello:<strong>_

_**You do realize what you just said, don't you?**_

_**BLMN (again, because we couldn't contain all our shock in just one letter)**_

* * *

><p><span>Dear B:<span>

It looks like I'm not the only one who's gay :P

Light.

* * *

><p><strong><em>Dear Light:<em>**

**_You just confirmed that you're gay. How did you even pass high school with that brain? -_-_**

**_We bet Misa can beat you in a game of chess now._**

**_BLMMN._**

* * *

><p><strong>dear BLMMN:<strong>

**Chess? YOU PERVERTS!**

**Misa.**

**PS: What does chess mean?**

**PPS: don't tell me if it means something perverted, I don't want to lose my Misa-Misa innocence.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Misa:<strong>_

_**I didn't think the IQ of a bunch of geniuses could drop so drastically from reading one letter.**_

_**BLLMMNWR. (A/N: huge cookie if you can guess who they all are, it's obvious anyway, so it would be like I'm giving away free cookies :3 Have you noticed how much I babble in my A/Ns? )**_

* * *

><p><strong>Dear everyone:<strong>

**Don't you realize I haven't written any letters except in one chapter even though I'm one of the author's favorite DN characters? That's really unfair.**

**Matsuda.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Matsuda:<em>

_Shut up and bring me my coffee._

_L._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear L:<strong>_

_***slap***_

_**I love you, but if you talk to Matsuda like that again, I'll feed all your secret Care Bears T-shirts to the ogre you keep in your wine cellar.**_

_**The author.**_

* * *

><p><em>Dear author:<em>

_Thank you for warning me about the security breach, you crazy fangirl spazzy desperate pathetic loopy mad disturbed loony STALKER._

_L._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Matsuda:<strong>_

_**Just wait till next chapter, it's all dedicated to you :3**_

_**The Author-Who-Is-Pointedly-Ignoring-L.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry, this one's really short, hope you liked it anyway :) Please tell me if you did because I'm really starting to hate what I'm writing :'(<strong>

**Oh, by the way, if you hate my author letters, tell me, I don't want to stick myself into the fanfic :D**


	17. The Special Matsuda Chapter

**I'm really sorry, I haven't updated for so long, and I've been really uninspired in the last few weeks, but this chapter is long, so it makes up for the long wait.**

**Credit to sabrina4455 for giving me the title of this chapter a few months ago :D**

* * *

><p>Dear Sayu:<p>

I love you :3

Matsuda.

* * *

><p><span>Dear Matsuda:<span>

I'm sorry, who are you again?

Sayu.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Matsuda:<strong>

**My lap is not your new crying pillow. Please refrain from invading my personal space.**

**L.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Matsuda:<em>

_Stay away from my sister, you idiot!_

_Light_

* * *

><p>Dear Light:<p>

I THOUGHT I HAD SHOT YOU, YOU STUPID ABERCROMBIE ZOMBIE!

4 FREAKING TIMES!

Matsuda.

P.S: I didn't mean to say that, of course, I mean, you're chief Yagami's son, and I consider chief Yagami my father, so you're practically my brother, but that would be scarring because it would mean that Sayu's my sister too, which is really awkward, because I don't love her like a sister, but that doesn't mean I don't love her, on the contrary, I do love her!

P.P.S: Abercrombie Zombie! I amaze myself with my poetic abilities sometimes.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Matsuda:<strong>

**Congratulations! You have succeeded in making me fall asleep while reading your letter.**

**L.**

**Yeah, FREAKING L fell asleep.**

* * *

><p>Dear Matsuda:<p>

You're more socially awkward than me. Thanks dude, I now have hope.

Matt.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Matsuda:<strong>

**I heard you brought coffee to everyone in Death Note.**

**Extra sugar, decaf and whipped cream on top.**

**Near.**

**Oh, and thank you.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Matsuda:<em>

_I don't understand what's so special about you? How come is there an entire chapter especially written for you and I have none?_

_Mello._

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

Calm your tits, hun.

Matsuda :3

* * *

><p><em>Mat-FREAKIN'-suda:<em>

_WHAT-DID-YOU-JUST-SAY?_

_Mello (who is an effing dude)_

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

Yeah, sure.

Effing? I don't think I've ever heard of that term.

Matsuda.

* * *

><p>Dear Matsuda:<p>

Sayu loves you, you own them all, and you're super sexy, you sexy beast ;)

Matsuda.

* * *

><p>Dear Matsuda:<p>

Well, YOU'RE the sexy beast. I'm nothing next to you :3

Matsuda.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Watari:<strong>

**Can you please help me unsee those previous two letters?**

**L.**

**P.S.: Please? I'm scarred for life :'(**

**PPS: Pretty please with pom-poms on top?**

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

WHAT PO…eh sorry, What pom-poms?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Watari.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Watari:<strong>

**I know all about your cheerleading past, don't try to fool me, you old dog!**

**L.**

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

I refuse to be compared to a canine, and my cheerleading skills are not something to be ashamed of. I was at the top of the pyramid, you know!

and why the hell are you so out of character?

Watari.

* * *

><p>Dear everyone:<p>

In case you haven't noticed, this whole chapter is about me, so SHUT UP! ALL OF YOU, JUST SHUT UP AND LET ME DO ALL THE LETTER-ING.

Matsuda.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear everyone:<strong>

**Leave it up to Matsuda to create the most illiterate verb that ever was.**

**Ninja.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Ninja:<strong>_

_**Who are you?**_

_**LBMMNWWRLM. (A/N: another cookie if you can guess who all of these are, but I'm not responsible for the consequences of stealing the cookie from L. He gets violent without his daily dose. Violent as in the foot-in-the-face thing he did with Light.)**_

* * *

><p><strong>Dear everyone:<strong>

**HELLO! I'm a ninja! It's not like I'm gonna tell you.**

**Cinderella.**

* * *

><p><strong>Dear everyone:<strong>

**Oh crap…**

**So I guess my cover was blown?**

**Cinderella.**

* * *

><p><span>Dear Light:<span>

There's someone stalking me, he just fell over fifteen times.

Sayu.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Sayu:<em>

_If he look like someone with a hopeless case of ADHD and about to pee himself with happiness while knocking over everything on his way, that's Matsuda._

_Light._

* * *

><p><span>Dear Light:<span>

Is he the officer who shot you?

Sayu.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Sayu:<em>

_In flesh and blood._

_Light._

* * *

><p><span>Dear Light:<span>

Cool! I already like that dude!

Sayu.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Light:<strong>

***Insert L style troll face ***

**L.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Matsuda:<em>

_Come here, please._

_Light._

* * *

><p>Dear Light:<p>

OW! WHAT WAS THAT FOR? :'(

Matsuda.

* * *

><p>Dear Matsuda:<p>

For stalking his sister, you idiot.

Now, where's my coffee?

Near.

* * *

><p>Dear Near:<p>

I'm not your servant, you miserable, emotionless pillow. Get your own coffee.

Matsuda, the free elf.

* * *

><p>Dear Matsuda:<p>

Come here please :)

Near.

* * *

><p>Dear Near:<p>

OW! Not again :'(

Matsuda.

* * *

><p>Dear everyone:<p>

Always the underappreciated character I am, aren't I? :'(

Matsuda.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Matsuda:<strong>_

_**Don't listen to them, you're awesome ^_^**_

_**The author.**_

* * *

><p>Dear author:<p>

Aaaw, thank you :3 let's become BFFs and braid each other's hair!

Matsuda :3

* * *

><p><strong><em>Dear readers:<em>**

**_I'll stop writing this now before it gets awkward -_-_**

**_The author._**

* * *

><p><strong>Note: No Matsudas were harmed in the writing of this chapter.<strong>

**Reviews make me happeh ^-^**

**By the way, my finals start next thursday and I won't be able to post for a while, sorry about that :(**

**You know you want to review :D**


	18. The Horrible Mary Sue

**I know I'm a horrible person for not updating for so long, but I have my reasons:**

**1. I've been completely uninspired.**  
><strong>2. My grandpa passed away last Thursday. (I'm not fishing for pity or reviews by saying this, just explaining :) )<strong>  
><strong>3. I've been too lazy to write anything.<strong>

**But, I'm back with a new chapter, so try to enjoy it ^_^**

* * *

><p><span>Dear everyone:<span>

I have the same initials as Michael Jackson. Isn't that just so awesomesauce? :D

Matt.

* * *

><p>Dear Matt:<p>

Interesting...

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *Super Manic Laughter, in case you didn't notice*

Light/Kira 3:)

* * *

><p>Dear Ryuk:<p>

Oh My Me! What the hell did you do to my letter? That's NOT my signature! BAD SHINI!

Light.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Light:<strong>

**What? I was bored! Sheesh, humans are so short tempered these days. Can't take a light joke or two…**

**Ryuk.**

* * *

><p>Dear Ryuk:<p>

OR TWO? What's that supposed to mean? That's it, no apples for a whole week.

That will teach you.

Oh Me, I hope the "or two" part was just an expression.

I'm kind of scared. Do gods get scared?

Light.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Light:<em>

_Son, don't you think you're a bit too old to pee your pants?_

_Soichiro._

* * *

><p><em>Dear Light:<em>

_Ryuk just spazzed out and fainted. Before he passed out he told me to tell you that you're the most evil, twisted person he has ever met and that's saying something._

_Shame on you, apple hater!_

_Rem._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear LightKira:**

**That's it. YOU'RE UNDER ARREST!**

**L.**

* * *

><p>Dear everyone:<p>

Can you PLEASE stop sending me letters? My mailbox just puked at me :'(

Light.

* * *

><p><strong><span>Dear Light:<span>**

**That means my Light is popular! Oh, Light :3**

**Pucker up and get your present :***

**Misa.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Misa:<em>

_Stop tormenting my son, I can't get him to stop vomiting._

_Like seriously -_-_

_Soichiro._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Light:<strong>

**Wait a minute; my deductive skills are tingling…**

**Weren't you, B, Matt, Mello and Near in prison?**

**L. (I'm not the best three detectives in the world for nothing, you know :D )**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear L:<strong>_

_**I can smell the arrogant smile from your letter. Chill out, man.**_

_**And yes, we used to be in prison, but then an OOC OC Mary-Sue came out of nowhere and saved us all. She broke all the locks with her straight, beautiful nose, destroyed our chains with her iron, breathtaking, heavenly-smelling feet, wrapped us in her incredibly long, neon, pink, shiny, sparkly hair, kissed the guards with her luscious green lips until they died and suffocated the rest with her huge Cup XXXXXX boobs. She stared at us with her rainbow eyes until we all swooned and then she turned into a magical unicorn/witch/dolphin and flew us all home while playing the harp and singing angelically, with rainbows coming out of her mouth.**_

_**The story brings tears to my eyes every time I retell it. We all fell in love with her even though we're all most likely gay, but she was just so perfect.**_

_**Mello-Who-Really-Needs-A-Tissue-Right-Now.**_

* * *

><p><span>Dear Mello:<span>

Shut up! SHE'S MINE!

Near.

* * *

><p>Dear everyone:<p>

Great, even asexual Near wants her.

Dobby.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Dobby:<strong>

**OMG ASDFGHJKL! I'm such a big fan of you! Wait, I need to serve you some socks :3**

**OMG seriously, wait up for me. YOU'RE A FREE ELF FOR CRYING OUT LOUD :')**

**Ryuk.**

**P.S: Why are you so out of character?**

* * *

><p>Dear Ryuk:<p>

I could ask you the same thing. O.o

Pocahontas.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear author:<strong>

**Please refrain from shoving unnecessary characters from other fandoms into this story. It's not funny.**

**L.**

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

Yes, it is.

Robin Hood.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear author:<strong>

**I will choose to ignore your annoying, childish teasing provided that you shower me with endless heaps of virtual candy.**

**L.**

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**Oh my Light! L, you pervert! Stop using such big words, Misa noes they have a nauty meaning! Misa is nothing but stoopid.**

**Wait, that didn't sound rite.**

**Anyway, Misa means that she is nut stoopid.**

**Misa Misa :3**

* * *

><p><strong>I kind of hate this chapter, but it's up to you to decide. Tell me your opinion in a quick review, and if you have any suggestions or requests, include them in your review, or PM me with them. Thanks for reading :)<strong>


	19. Misa's IQ Massacre & the Talking Eyebrow

Dear L:

Erm… Why are you shaving your eyebrows?

Light

* * *

><p><em>Dear Light:<em>

_GET BACK TO YOUR JAIL CELL BEFORE I BITE OFF YOUR EAR!_

_I believe that is none of your business YOU LITTLE PIECE OF NOSY SHIT!_

_To answer your idiotic question, it's because no-eyebrows is so "in" right now._

_Now that I have no eyebrows, I'm considered a fashion icon._

_(Well, besides being the world's top 5 detectives.)_

_It also adds to my attractive mysterious aura._

_L._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**So you gave up on me just for fashion?**

**I thought what we had ran much deeper than that.**

**I'm wounded beyond words.**

**Eyebrows.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Eyebrows:<em>

_I deeply apologize. It's only that I couldn't go on with you, it was too much to handle, we had to let go… Wait, you're not even supposed to talk -_-_

_L._

* * *

><p>Dear Eyebrows:<p>

Don't listen to his lame excuses. He broke my heart just as he did yours.

TRAITOR!

Light.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Light:<em>

_You just confirmed my suspicion of your homosexual tendencies._

_You're making this too easy._

_L._

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

I just hung myself because of you. I'm talking to you from the afterlife.

Just kidding, such beauty can't be killed. It's immortal, IMMORTAL I TELL YA! MUAHAHAHA

Light.

* * *

><p><em>Dear World:<em>

_Ignore him; he's had too much rotten fish for lunch._

_L._

* * *

><p><span>Dear eyebrows:<span>

Will you be my mustache? Mine is getting old and grey :(

After your permission, of course, L.

Watari.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_They're all yours._

_L._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Watari:<strong>

**Oh! I'd be delighted!**

**I'm glad SOMEONE appreciates good facial hair these days.**

**Eyebrows.**

* * *

><p><strong><em>Dear everyone: (except that pervert L –ewww!- )<em>**

**_Misa-Misa didn't know eyebrows could talk! This is so awesome ^_^_**

**_My eyebrows must be deaf-mute, though; I never hear them say anything to me_**

**_Or maybe they're just shy, we'll see :3_**

**_Misa Misa xoxo_**

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

I take that back, my beauty is not immortal; please shoot me now before I lose any more brain cells.

Light.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Light:<em>

_No way. I take too much pleasure in torturing you._

_L._

* * *

><p><span>Dear everyone:<span>

Isn't my new mustache awesome? :**{**

Watari.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Watari:<strong>_

_**BAHAHAHA!**_

_**Erm... sorry, couldn't hold it in.**_

_**Matsuda.**_

* * *

><p><span>Dear Matsuda:<span>

You're mean :'**{**

Watari.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Matsuda:<em>

_Bad Matsuda! No treats for you!_

_Stay!_

_L._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear L:<strong>_

_**OMG! Matsuda is actually a cute little puppy and he was disguised as a man all this time?**_

_**That explains SO much!**_

_**PS: You're still an eyebrow-less perverted perverty pervert.**_

_**Misa Misa.**_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Misa:<em>

_*facepalm*_

_L._

* * *

><p><strong><em>Dear L:<em>**

**_What does facepalm mean? Is it a kind of tree that has cute little faces drawn on it? Yaaaay ^_^_**

**_Misa._**

* * *

><p><em>Dear World:<em>

_*Shoots self in the foot*_

_L._

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear L:<strong>_

_**You're weird and creepy and I don't get what you're saying. K, bye.**_

_**Misa. (No kiss 4 u)**_

* * *

><p><strong><span>Dear everyone:<span>**

**I'm hungry.**

**Any volunteers? :)**

**BB.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear BB:<strong>_

_**OMG BEYOND BIRTHDAAAY! BEBEH EAT MEEEH UM ALL YOURS! :* ;)**_

_**Your one and only,**_

_**Rabid Fangirl**_

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Miss Rabid:<strong>

**I'm sorry, even I have standards.**

**BB.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear BB:<em>

_HA! You owned her :D_

_L._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**Shut up, you eyebrow-less prat.**

**BB.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_If you would be so kind as to bring me my lollie and my comfort plushie, please :'(_

_L._

* * *

><p><strong>Serves him right :)<strong>

**Back to my delicious dinner.**

**BB.**

* * *

><p><span>Dear L:<span>

Right away, son.

Just... just don't blow your nose on my sleeve, please.

Watari.

* * *

><p><strong>I'm an awful person, this is an awful chapter… yeah everything is awful, sorry!<strong>

**I guess you deserve an explanation as to why I haven't posted in such a long time, well, all I'm gonna say is "writer's block", an awful one that is.**

**I have two incomplete stories other than this one and I'm dying to get down to writing again (one of them is the best idea I've had in a while and I go into an extremely happy state while writing it), but important exams are coming up and I won't even have the time to breathe, let alone write a good chapter.**

**So yeah, writer's block along with some (more like lots and lots of) teenage angst, that's why I stopped writing, but now I'm back! **

**Again, I'm extremely sorry, and I promise you the next chapters will be posted a lot sooner than this one and they'll be much better. My writing skills and my creative thinking are just a bit rough from misuse, so if you don't like this chapter, ignore it and wait for the upcoming ones :)**


	20. Mutilated Strawberries, Lovable Unicorns

**Hello, awesome fans! Sorry for the relatively long wait. ****Anyway, on with the chapter :D**

****Warning: Choking hazard. Small parts. Not for children under 3 years.****

****Naaah, just kidding, the actual not-so-warning is: Hunger Games reference ahead, sorry if you don't get it, but the idea hit me and I couldn't ignore it.******  
><strong>

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

Here, have some strawberries.

Light.

* * *

><p>Dear LightKira:

No, thank you very much. Knowing you, they would be poisoned.

L.

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

*Le gasp* This is preposterous! How dare you say such thing? I only peed on them.

Light.

* * *

><p>Dear LightKira:

Oh, in that case, it's nothing a little soap and water can't fix. There's no reason to waste perfectly good strawberries just because they're nitrogenous waste-stained.

L.

P.S: Once again, you didn't protest about the fact that I called you Kira.

* * *

><p>Dear Interpol:<p>

Throw that strawberry murderer in the dirtiest jail cell you have.

L.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**Sir, yes, sir!**

**The Interpol.**

**P.S: Not to be rude, your majesty, but you keep throwing him in and out of jail, and it's getting a little boring, don't you think?**

* * *

><p>Dear Interpol:<p>

SHUT UP AND GET ME SOME COOKIES!

L.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

***sigh* Sir, yes, sir!**

**The Interpol.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear L:<em>

_Want some sugar cubes?_

_Finnick Odair_.

* * *

><p>Dear Mr. Finnick Odair:<p>

Why yes, that would be delightful! Thank you!

Let's have some tea with it, shall we?

L.

* * *

><p><em>Dear L:<em>

_Get some of your cookies, add a few crackers and the tea party shall be complete._

_Finnick._

* * *

><p>Dear Mr. Finnick Odair:<p>

OH EM GEE! YOU'RE SO AWESOME, LET'S BECOME BFFS :3

Here, have a pair of binoculars and my superhero cape as a welcoming gift to the "L minion-ship club"

L.

* * *

><p><em>Dear L:<em>

_No, thanks. Err, I think I'm going back to my hometown; it's much safer and much more comfortable._

_Bye._

_Finnick._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Matt:<strong>

**What... WHAT IS THAT THING EATING MY CHOCOLATE?**

**Mello.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Mello:<strong>_

_**For Mario's sake put the gun down!**_

_**ARGHHH, DON'T YOU DARE HURT MY SON, YOU BLONDE, COCOA CRAZED PSYCHOPATH!**_

_**Matt.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Matt:<strong>

**So your son is a freaking albino dwarfed horse with a pencil shoved into its forehead and IT'S EATING MY CHOCOLATE?**

**Mello.**

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

This is a unicorn you uneducated fool.

Near.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Near:<strong>

**…..**

**Mello.**

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

That's going to leave a bruise.

Near.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Near:<strong>_

_**Don't worry; it brings out the color of your eyes :3**_

_**Matt.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Matt:<strong>

**Remove this unicorn immediately.**

**Mello.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Mello:<strong>_

_**Well… the thing is, she's hungry, and she won't leave until we feed her a rainbow, which is practically impossible. Until then she will just keep eating your chocolate.**_

_**Matt.**_

_**PS: Don't do anything to me before I've finished the final level in Zelda and written my will.**_

_**PPS: My son did really turn out to be a she. My whole life is a huge lie *sniff*.**_

* * *

><p>Dear Matt:<p>

It's a she? Well, that's quite the delightful coincidence; I've been looking for a mate to Mr. Leafy Crackers for such a long time! He keeps refusing all suitors and it's about time he starts a family.

L.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear L:<strong>_

_**They would make a…turticorn?**_

_**AWESOME!**_

_**Matt.**_

* * *

><p>Dear Matt:<p>

Whoop-de-doo!

I can almost hear the wedding bells :')

L.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear L:<strong>_

_**Whoop-de-doo? What the hell, man?**_

_**Forget it; I will not marry Sasha to someone whose owner is so outdated.**_

_**Matt.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Near:<strong>

**Since you seem to be the only sane person here -God forgive me for addressing you in that respectful manner- do you have any idea how I can save my babies from _Sasha_'s tentacles?**

**Mello.**

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

I honestly have no clue.

Besides, there's no need to get rid of her; I find her sooooo adorable :3

GAAAH, LOOK AT HER HORN! I just want to eat her up *_*

Well, not in the literal sense, of course, that would be quite ridiculous.

Near.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear everyone:<strong>

**It seems that the gun lying in the second drawer will turn out to be of good use after all.**

**Mello.**

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Mello:<strong>

**Don't you dare do ANYTHING to her!**

**Matt, L, Mello, Mr. Leafy Crackers (oh, the romance!), Dumbledore, Sherlock, The Doctor, and Kira.**

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Mello:<strong>_

_**If you lay a finger on me I'll bite it off.**_

_**Sasha.**_

* * *

><p>Dear Sasha:<p>

OMG YOU CAN WRITE! Just marry me already :3

Near.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Mr. Finnick Odair:<strong>_

_**Wait up for me; I'm going to Panem with you.**_

_**Sasha.**_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Sasha:<em>

_Buckle up!_

_Finnick._

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

I hate you and I am going to bite your toenails off. It's all your fault that Sasha's gone :'(

Heartbroken Near.

* * *

><p>Dear Mello:<p>

Ow.

Near.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Near:<strong>_

_**Oh! That looks really good with the other bruise, now you look like a cute little albino panda :3**_

_**Matt.**_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Everyone:<em>

_I have school tomorrow and I need to work on other countless fanfics, so that's a wrap. I hope you liked this chapter!_

_The author._

* * *

><p>Dear author:<p>

I hate you as well.

Near.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Near:<em>

_Shut your pie hole._

_The author._

* * *

><p>Dear author:<p>

Who are you to tell my successor not to eat pie? I am appaled by your behavior.

L.

* * *

><p><em>Dear L:<em>

_*facepalm* And you call yourself smart -_-_

_The author._

* * *

><p>Dear L:<p>

Ha! She owned you :P

Light.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Kira:<strong>

**Just go pee on yourself in your pathetic cell.**

**Everyone.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear everyone:<em>

_Now that Kira has peed on himself, I REALLY need to go now._

_Bye :D_

_The author._

* * *

><p><strong>I just realized how extremely rude I am for not thanking you for reviewing, it's a bit late after 20 chapters, but better late than never.<strong>

**So a huge thanks to SoShi Love x3, BlOo KiSsEs, Ricato, Any-Clan, Wolf718, Don'tSleep, can't-reach-beer, Cryptvo Keeper, 6 cats in the bag, Maximum Phantomhive, Mclennarrson-1964, goddesslucina123, Paranormal Alchemist, PainLasts4Ever, teashadogs, TheCliqueFan13, .Lover, Iubire, Thinkbutdontspeak, Toolazytologin, Any59, Exploading albino potato, I am V, KoMonkeyXXX, sabrina4455, and Delta Wish.**

**Whoa, that's a very small number of reviewers :/ Oh well, a lot of them reviewed a lot, so they compensate the…relative lack of people.**  
><strong>Yeah, I'm grateful anyway.<strong>

**Oh, and an even bigger thanks to everyone who stuck with this fic and reviewed (or even just read) multiple chapters :3 I really want to PM all of you and shower you with hugs and unicorns and everything –and believe me, I have the time to-, but I don't want to spam your inboxes with useless crap.**  
><strong>Not that unicorns are useless crap, of course, I would never say such thing.<strong>


	21. L's Got Competition & Mello's a Pokémon

**Please read the Author's Note after the chapter :) It's as important as unicorns.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_Why are you wearing a pink helmet with a picture of this blonde girl that horribly resembles Misa?_

_That Belbie girl or something, I can't seem to remember her exact name._

_L._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**It's.. I mean it _was _favorite toy AS A KID, not an adult, at all. Besides, it's the only helmet I have and I'm wearing it because I've come to deliver you some news that might be… hazardous to my physical health.**

**Oh, and it's Barbie by the way :3**

**Aaah, she brings back so many childhood memories!**

**Watari.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_Overlooking the fact that I've just been mentally scarred with visions of you in pigtails, bring me the news, please._

_L._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**You're not the world's best three detectives anymore. Someone called Sherlock Holmes took third place and Eraldo Coil was pushed to fourth.**

**Watari- Who– Probably–Needs–To–Run-For–His- Life.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_Come over here please._

_Oh, come on, that carpet is new! There's a bathroom down the hall, use it when I'm done with you._

_L._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY BABY? :'{ It was my trademark, for crying out loud :(**

**Watari.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Watari:<em>

_You can grow another one, and you look younger without it, by the way. And now, let's talk about what matters, who does he think he is, that Sherlock person? He's not capable of half the things I do; can he squat all the time? Can he inhale 11 bags of sugar everyday? Can he manage to look like an adorable lost panda ALL THE TIME? CAN HE? Answer me Watari or your eyebrows are next in line to meet my tweezers!_

_L._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**No he ca…**

_Dear Watari:_

_Give me that pen you old fool! And what kind of name is Watson? He sounds more like an actress than a detective's assistant!_

_Wait a minute… I have an idea :3_

_L._

* * *

><p><em>Dear Kira:<em>

_I've thought of the perfect punishment for you. From now on, you'll be Rika, my faithful assistant. My _female_ faithful assistant._

_L._

_PS: Prepare the make-up, you'll need it._

* * *

><p>Dear Ryuk:<p>

Can you _please _write my name now?

Light.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Rika:<strong>_

_**No way, this is way too much fun. Even more fun than apples. I can't wait to see Rika in action :D**_

_**PS: I hope you know how to run in heels.**_

_**PPS: Now that I've mentioned it, I really need some apples.**_

_**Ryuk.**_

* * *

><p><em>Dear Ryuk:<em>

_Actually my dear Shinigami, he'll need to learn how to run in red stilettos, to be exact._

_L Who Is Feeling Especially Evil Today._

* * *

><p><strong><em>Dear Everyone (especially that perverted panda):<em>**

**_Whaaaaaat? So all this time my Light was a girl? Why didn't anyone tell Misa-Misa? Misa-Misa's whole life is a lie! :'(_**

**_You perverts!_**

**_Heartbroken Misa-Misa._**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Everyone:<em>

_Just Ignore her, she'll shut up one day._

_L and Light._

* * *

><p>Matt:<p>

You freaking idiot! What have you done to my perfect face?

Mello.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Mello:<strong>

***shit, I forgot to remove that mirror in the bathroom***

**Hey Mello, great day today! Sun is shining, birds are singing, Watari's screaming! :)**

**Looking good today, man. Pfft, you always look good, who am I kidding? You good-looking sexy beast, you!**

**Innocent Matt.**

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Mello:<strong>

**Put down that gun please, it could take out someone's eye, and if it was as gorgeous as mine, it would be a complete tragedy. Can you imagine the world without my breathtaking eyes to sustain its existence?**

**Plus, I was about to tell you everything anyway.**

**Matt.**

**PS: I should get bonus points for using all those big words.**

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Mello:<strong>

**Well, that's going to hurt in the morning.**

**Alright, man, calm your tits, I'll tell you.**

**Well, you've always reminded me of Pikachu, so I thought to myself "might as well make it official!" so I took out my colors and one thing led to another, and voila, I gave an incredible makeover to my dear best friend :3**

**You're welcome, man ;)**

**Matt.**

**PS: I dressed up as Ash (in case you haven't noticed, and in that case you really are blind) so you wouldn't feel out of place.**

* * *

><p>Dear Matt:<p>

Yeah, that's a relief, at least we'll be _two _freaks dressed up as stupid fictional characters instead of one.

Mello.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Mello:<strong>

**Just so you know, we're "stupid fictional characters" too.**

**Matt.**

* * *

><p>Dear Matt:<p>

Speak for yourself; I'm the most awesome anime character that ever was. I'm perfect!

Well, almost, if it weren't for that one gray hair :(

*sobs hysterically in the corner of a round room.*

Mello.

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Drama Queen:<strong>

**Pikachu, I choose you!**

**(Yes I'm pointedly ignoring you for the sake of my cosplay. How badass is that?)**

**Mash. (That's my Pokémon name, get it? Matt and Ash :D )**

**PS: Watch out for Near, he's a mushroom from Super Mario, mushrooms are only designed for the Super Mario universe, so currently, he can hurt Pokémon.**

* * *

><p><em>Dear Mello:<em>

_You love being Pikachu, don't deny it._

_Near._

* * *

><p>Dear Near:<p>

Shut up, fungus face.

And if you tell Matt, I'll shove that stupid teddy bear of yours in places you won't like.

Mello.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Mello:<em>

_You need new glasses. This is a stuffed Unicorn._

_Near._

* * *

><p>Dear Near:<p>

Alright, prepare to meet your horrible fate!

Pika..CHUUUUUU 3:D

Mello.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Mello:<em>

_You do realize you're not really Pikachu, do you?_

_Near._

* * *

><p><strong>Dear Mello:<strong>

**It's okay, I tend to get carried away too.**

**I raised you well :')**

**Proud Matt.**

* * *

><p><strong>Dear L:<strong>

**Don't do anything rash, my son. Sending Sherlock a box of sugar-free chocolate will do nothing. Unlike you, it won't kill him!**

**Mustache-less Watari**.

* * *

><p>Dear evil people I plot with:<p>

So sugarless candy would kill the great L, huh?

Ryuk, cue evil music to accompany my demented laugh!

Misa, I need you to go to the supermarket for me!

Light.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Rika:<strong>_

_**No, you're not my Light anymore, you're a girl!**_

_**Misa- Misa.**_

* * *

><p>Dear Misa:<p>

For the last time, I'm not a girl!

Light.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear RikaLight:**_

_**Then prove it!**_

_**Misa- Misa.**_

* * *

><p>*awkward silence*<p>

* * *

><p>Dear Misa:<p>

You pervert!

Light.

* * *

><p><em><strong>Dear Rika Light:**_

_**Misa-Misa's not a pervert! And what does pervert mean anyway?**_

_**Misa-Misa.**_

* * *

><p>*group facepalm*<p>

* * *

><p><strong>My dear readers, despite Misa's refusal to buy the chocolate and everyone being busy facepalming over her sheer stupidity, Ryuk managed to sneak out and steal some of it. Rika (aka Light) gave it to L, and as he took the first bite, just like Snow White, everything faded to black, and he dropped to the floor dramatically, his pale fingers loosely wrapped around the damned chocolate bar.<strong>

**And that's how the world's greatest two detectives met his tragic fate. Oh, how fragile we are!**

***group wail***

* * *

><p><em>Dear author:<em>

_How ignorant could one person be? Did you really think I'd die that easily?_

_I still can't believe you used to be my wife._

_Now quick, get me that cookie on the table and my super-detective cape, I have no time for you and your dumb antics._

_I have a world to change!_

_L._

* * *

><p><strong>Really long but really important Author's Note:<strong> _I can't believe the amount of time that has passed since I last posted a chapter in this fic. For the past few months, I've had a tremendous writer's block, the biggest one yet. It's so frustrating because I miss this, I miss laughing like a maniac over my own chapters, and as creepy as that sounds, I miss you, my awesome readers. If there's any left of you after all this time :'(_

_There's something though, I don't enjoy writing this fic as much as I used to, and it makes me sad, I mean, although I found a new idea to write about, it feels like a routine to me, it's just not as good as the previous chapters, so I was thinking about wrapping up this whole fanfic, unless, of course you want me to go on, then let me know, leave me a review or a PM or anything if you want me to continue posting new chapters and I'll try as hard as I can to update frequently without affecting the quality of the chapters._

_And yes, I'm unashamedly fishing for reviews :D But I'm not saying that if I don't get enough reviews I won't post anymore, on the contrary, even if only two or three of you want me to go on, I will go on, I just wanna know if any of you guys like this anymore!_

_There's also this other Death Note fic called "Ambition" which I have NOT abandoned, it's just much more difficult to write than I initially thought it would be, especially for a beginner like me. But I don't want to disappoint anyone who's read the first two chapters, so I'll try my best to post a new chapter because I just can't leave it like this._

_Unfortunately, even if I feel extremely inspired these days I won't be able to update frequently, because this year is the most difficult, most important year in my academic life. My whole career literally depends on it, which is dumb. Blame our useless educational system -_-_

_Sorry for the long note, but I figured I owed you a lot of explanation :)_

_Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed this chapter :)_

_Here, have some happy unicorns._

_Yours truly,_

_CrazyClumsyCoco15._


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